bones of the moon
black cocktail
a child across the sky
outside the dog museum
the panic hand
kissing the beehive
the land of laughs
from the teeth of angels
sleeping in flame
voice of our shadow
by Jonathan Carroll
EXT: STREET. NIGHT
In very slow motion, we see a bullet spinning through the air. It travels till it bursts through glass, pieces flying slowly everywhere. Glass scatters over a hand on an auto steering wheel. Hands shakes off glass, pushes open car door, MAN jumps out.
CUT TO:
EXT: STREET. NIGHT
Feet running. Camera moves up legs, body, to face of MAN (young, good looking) running hard. Constantly looks back over his shoulder: Someone is after him and he knows it.
CUT TO:
EXT: STREET. NIGHT
Two ferocious-looking dogs come flying around the corner, followed closely by two sets of men's legs.
CUT TO:
EXT: STREET. NIGHT
MAN stops for breath, exhausted. He hears footsteps, panting-- the dogs! They're very close! He staggers off again.
CUT TO:
EXT: STREET. NIGHT
Running madly, the dogs catch up with the man. Just as they are about to attack, something invisible happens. One dog drops on the spot as if shot, wile the other rears backward, screaming as if in great pain, turns around and runs away.
CUT TO:
EXT: OUTSIDE. NIGHT
Man comes to a building with a large clock on its side. He enters. A moment later, his two PURSUERS appear. Dangerous looking guys. Both of them have guns. They enter the building after him.
CUT TO:
INT: CLOCK TOWER. NIGHT
At the top of the stairs camera watches while MAN climbs spiral staircase towards us. At the top, he sees there is nowhere to go. The bad guys are close behind. Desperate, he spies a small door and opens it. It leads out to the clock face. He starts to climb out.
CUT TO:
EXT: CLOCK TOWER. NIGHT
Grabbing hold of the clock's hands (a la Harold Lloyd), Man swings out on it. The clock hand clicks down a notch. Pursuers appear at doorway and look down at him. Pursuer One suddenly gets a very sick look on his face and falls out the window, sailing past the Man. He shifts his weight. Click hand clicks down another notch. Then another. It's at "6" now and he's about to lose his grip. Second Pursuer reaches for him but when he gets too close, he gets same sick look on his face and falls too.
A small door opens in the number '6' and a very feminine arm reaches out, holding a can of "TOUGH GUY" deodorant spray. A big whoosh of the spray shoots into both the man's armpits.
CUT TO:
EXT: STREET. NIGHT
Beautiful MODEL in trenchcoat stands holding a can of "TOUGH GUY" spray.
MODEL
You don't have to smell bad to be bad. Use 'Tough Guy' anti-perspirant every day. Available
at all good men's stores.
Advertisement ends with a man's fist slamming down a can of "TOUGH GUY" on a wooden table.
CUT TO:
INT: CONFERENCE/SCREENING ROOM. DAY
A Hi-Tech, expensively furnished room. Five people sitting around a conference table-- 4 men, one woman (WILLA BRANDT--30's, attractive, capable). One entire wall of the room is covered with video monitors showing the same image: the finish of the "Tough Guy" ad. Only JACK QUINN is standing, his back to the screens. He's confident as hell.
JACK
We've tested this ad everywhere. It's gotten the best audience reaction of any spot we've done in the last two months. We're sure it will move your product up from its previous eighteen percent of the market to at least twenty-one.
He begins to walk around the room, shooting energy out all over.
JACK
We've decided to sell entertainment this time and not only deodorant. People can laugh at a sensitive subject and not just feel ashamed.
What's important-- He's interrupted by KARGL sitting at the table.
KARGL
What's important, Mr. Quinn, is that this had do better than the others your agency has made for us. As we all know, they were singularly unsuccessful.
JACK
(shooting right back, self-assured)
That's why the head of our agency asked me to take over your account, Mr. Kargl.
Jack looks at his watch and starts to gather his papers.
JACK
I'm sorry, but I must go to another meeting. If you have any questions or things you would like to add, please tell my associate, Ms. Brandt. Excuse me.
Jack looks at WILLA and goes TO the door. When he's gone there's a pause, then KARGL to WILLA
KARGL
He's awfully sure of himself.
WILLA
(diplomatic, but no less firmly)
He's the best in the business. He has a right to be sure of himself.
CUT TO:
INT: HALLWAY
Jack walks fast down hallway of ad agency. It's a big bustling place. He greets people along the way, stopped now and then by secretaries to sign papers or take messages. None of IT slows him as he moves to another conference room. Almost at the door, he is grabbed by MEWSHAW
MEWSHAW
Jack! Come here. You gotta look at this.
Jack tries to pull away
JACK
Mewshaw, I gotta meeting right now. Lemme go!
MEWSHAW
But Jack, this is about your next meeting and your
future client!
Mewshaw pulls him to a nearby desk where a number of people are watching a portable TV.
CUT TO:
INT: NEWSROOM
NEWSCASTER in full swing.
NEWSCASTER
The overthrow of the previous government in
Saru by the forces of General Menelik Cthulu has alarmed Mideast experts and is the main topic of conversation in the hastily arranged meeting in Abu Dhabi today.The colorful Cthulu, notorious for his eccentric proclamations and behavior, has not mellowed since taking over power in this small, oil rich country.
CUT TO:
INT: TV STUDIO
CTHULU
(about sixty, white hair, a rough peasant's face and
magnetic, fiery eyes) stares directly into the camera.
CTHULU
(in good, heavily accented English)
I am no terrorist, I am a truth seeker. Perhaps that is what makes so many people uncomfortable.
Why weren't we invited to this meeting of Mideastern leaders? If they want to discuss the situation in Saru, shouldn't they invite the people who run the country? The only thing the People's Republic wants from the rest of the world is peace and the respect--
CONROY
(o.s.)
Turn that damned thing off! Are you nuts? They're in the next room!
CUT TO:
INT: AGENCY, HALLWAY
Three people jump to turn off the set when CONROY, Jack's boss, comes up behind them and roars. Jack stays where he is and turns to face him, unafraid.
CONROY
Jack, why the hell aren't you in the meeting? These people are punctual.
JACK
Did you hear the news? You want to take these Saru wackos on as clients? Who do we represent next, The Flat Earth Society?
Willa comes up to Jack
CONROY
Willa, don't let him talk like this in that meeting! I swear to God, Jack, if you mess up, I'll kick your ass. I don't care how good you are. This could be our biggest account.
The three walk to the conference room.
JACK
But still no one knows what they want?
Conroy shakes head no.
JACK
Can I ask?
CONROY
Nope. You have the meeting and then the two of you go to lunch with them this afternoon. Sooner or later they've got to tell you something
Conroy straightens Jack's tie and pats his shoulder.
CONROY
This could give us all villas on the Cote D'Azur, Jack. Please do it right. Willa, you watch him.
Conroy leaves, J&W watch him.
JACK
How come he's always telling you to watch me?
WILLA
Because he knows without me, you wouldn't be the best.
JACK
That's true. So, are we ready for the terrorists?
Pretends embarrassment, covers mouth with hand.
JACK
OOPS, did I say that? I meant tourists! Tourists!
WILLA (pushing towards the door)
Come on, Mr. Subtle.
CUT TO
INT: CONFERENCE ROOM
Small, luxurious room. Obviously for special clients. Sitting facing the door are DJEBELI, SADR, EL-ROUBY. All middle-aged, well-dressed, bearded. They rise when Jack and Willa enter. Everyone shakes hands, sits. A silence falls that becomes painful. The Saruvians wait passively. They are the 'hunters' here, J&W the prey.
JACK
Gentlemen, we're very flattered your government is considering our agency for your project. But you really must give us some idea of what you'd like us to do for Saru.
Willa shoots him a look-- he's not supposed to ask this question.
Several long beats while the men look at each other.
DJEBELI (in good, but accented English)
We are sure if we engage your company you will do a very excellent job, Mr. Quinn. We have seen much of your work. Unfortunately, we cannot discuss the job we are offering to you now, but I will go into greater detail why at lunch.
Jack frowns, taking this in. Djebeli turns to Willa and says in Arabic
DJEBELI
You are a lovely woman.
Willa smiles and answers in slow, careful Arabic
WILLA
(in slow careful Arabic)
It is kind of you to say that.
(in English)
I only studied Arabic for two years in college.
Djebeli nods-- he knows this.
DJEBELI
Are you a political man, Mr. Quinn?
JACK (carefully, doesn't know where this is going)
I believe in certain things, but none of them are
political.
EL-ROUBY
What do you think of General Cthulu?
JACK
I think what CNN wants me to think. Or NBC. I only know what they say on television. What they show is.... offbeat.
Sadr turns to the other and says something in Arabic. They smile.
EL ROUBY
Mr. Sadr says you should be a diplomat, Mr. Quinn. Your phrasing is delicate. But you will be very surprised when you meet the General. He is not the man you see on CNN. All great visionaries are considered madmen in the beginning. Sometimes an act that you do today can only be appreciated tomorrow.
El Rouby rises and the other two men with him. J&W follow.
EL ROUBY
So then, we will meet at two o'clock in Restaurant Bazz'af. I hope you will like it there. Real Saruvian cooking! Saruvians leave.
JACK
What do they eat at a Saruvian restaurant-- diplomats or camels?
CUT TO:
INT: LUCIEN'S OFFICE
LUCIEN (head of the agency), Conroy, Jack and Willa sit in the boss's beautiful office. Lucien looks Ivy League but speaks with an English accent.
CONROY
How did they know you spoke Arabic, Willa?
Willa shrugs.
LUCIEN
They've obviously done their homework. They seem to know everything there is to know about the agency.
JACK
Hugh, don't misunderstand me: I have no qualms about working for Saru. You pay us very well to lie for a living. But if we do take their account, no matter what it is they want, won't it make us look very bad to our other clients when the word gets out? Won't we lose business? The world thinks this guy is really Loony Tunes!
LUCIEN
Possibly, but the amount of money that has been discussed is enormous. Plus let's face it, most of our clients aren't interested in moral issues, good and evil, all the gray stuff. They care about what sells.
JACK
I wonder what Cthulu want us to do-- advertise new ways of blowing up airports, or converting the infidels?
CUT TO:
EXT: RESTAURANT BAZZ'AF. DAY
A truck pulls up in front of the restaurant. Two MEN get out and go round the back. Opening the doors, they bring out live, large, very peculiar looking animals. They lead them around to the rear entrance of the restaurant. Lots of noise and scuffling-- like the circus just came to town.
Jack and Willa come walking down the street. Reaching the restaurant, they see this strange parade and stop to watch. The front of the place is decorated to look like a Bedouin tent in the Arabian desert.
WILLA
(uneasily)
Oh Jack, do we really have to eat here?
Jack nods and gestures for her to go in.
WILLA
But I don't like Saruvian food. I hear a great delicacy there is sheep's eyeballs.
JACK
This is their hangout in New York. They're about to offer us the biggest account ever. So we eat every sheep eyeball and camel tongue they put on our plate. That's Lucien's order.
WILLA
(gesturing towards animal parade)
But what if that's our lunch?
He shrugs.
JACK
Then it will be a lonnng afternoon.
He looks at her and makes a roar or a growl or some other animal noise, then licks his lips exaggeratedly.
JACK
Delicious!
CUT TO:
INT: RESTAURANT BAZZ'AF
The interior is garish and the worst kind of bad kitsch, Arabic taste. Too many colors, carpets, hookahs... everything. Most customers are Arabic. J&W enter and are led to a V.I.P. table where the diplomats from Saru are sitting. J&W must stop to allow a frightening-looking dish to pass on its way to another table. They gape at it, smoking and fierce looking. This is a motif throughout the scene: every time another dish passes, it is worse looking and more frightening than the last. Not until the end is their meal brought, so the audience is set up to expect the absolute worst.
WILLA
(under her breath to Jack)
Don't say a word, Jack. Don't you say anything. I know I'm going to be sick. So, Mr. Djebeli, what a lovely restaurant!
DJEBELI
It is so good of you to come. Soon you will be in the real Bazz'af, but for today this must suffice. Come, sit down.
Waiting to be seated, Jack leans over to Willa and asks quietly
JACK
Buzz Off is the capitol of Saru, right?
Willa's face tightens. She whispers harshly
WILLA
Bazz'af! Say it right!
Jack smiles like a bad boy. At the table, the others rise and everyone shakes hands. Another ugly dish goes by. Jack gawks.
JACK
Mr. El Rouby, what is that?
El Rouby looks at the passing tray.
EL ROUBY
(pedantically)
This is pronounced 'Scall-hee-ya." A delicacy from the north of Saru. A exceptional recipe of chocolate, poisonous fish, and unripe avocados. It is very delicious. Come and sit, Mr. Quinn.
Sitting next to Willa, Sadr says something to her in Arabic. She answers slowly but clearly in the language. It's obvious the men are very pleased by this.
SADR
It is wonderful you know something of our language, Ms. Brandt. It is a great compliment to us.
WILLA
I wish I had been a better language student. It takes me so long to understand things but once I learn them, they stay.
EL ROUBY
Perhaps it will be easier for you when you speak the language in Saru.
JACK
(impatient)
Can we talk about that a little? It really would help a great deal if we knew what this was all about.
DJEBELI
Recently it was decided by General Cthulu and his staff that we would give your firm the opportunity to handle the largest account our government has offered in the West.
WILLA
And we're very grateful, please know that. But could you be a little more specific?
SADR
It is something very large and...political.
WILLA
And?
SADR
(amused)
And... some things must remain secret for the time being.
JACK
(looking at him suspiciously)
I thought the big secret was you were going to offer us your tourism account.
DJEBELI
(amused, waves his hand dismissively)
What we are offering far exceeds that possibility, Mr. Quinn. Tourism is not one of our primary concerns.
They pause while another indescribable platter of food sweeps by.
WILLA
(horrified)
What is that?
EL ROUBY
'Kal-sh' a-yeesh' which means 'The Arm Turns Left.' This is not so good. Undistinguished.
SADR
(surprised)
What do you mean? Kal-sh' a-yeesh is delicious!
EL ROUBY
A minor dish.
They glare at each other.
JACK
Mr. Djebeli, I've never done a political campaign.
DJEBELI
It is not political in the way you might assume. Unlike your United States, we do not have elections in Saru. Perhaps one day when things are more settled, but not now. What we want you to do for us is different, Mr. Quinn. General Cthulu wants to tell you personally about it in Saru. It is a great honor, of course. The general is a busy man.
JACK
We have to go down there just to hear what the
deal is?
DJEBELI
(adamant)
That is one of the conditions, yes.
WILLA
What are the other conditions?
The three men look at each other.
EL ROUBY Only one: You must go to Saru next week.
Jack and Willa look at each other.
JACK
Next week? What's the hurry?
SADR
You'll learn when you get there.
JACK
Excuse my crassness, gentlemen, but how much are we talking about here? It has to be considered for us just to drop everything and go. We do have a bunch of other accounts we're working on.
DJEBELI
We have already discussed that with Mr. Lucien. Ours will be a multi-million dollar account. But much as I would like to, we are under strict instructions from General Cthulu not to give you any details until he can tell you personally.
WILLA
This whole thing is very irregular. How long would we be there?
EL ROUBY
It is not necessary for you to go, Mrs. Grove. Only
Mr. Quinn.
Willa is very hurt by the rejection and it shows. Jack sits back in his chair and shakes his head.
JACK
(very firmly)
No deal. I don't go unless she goes.
WILLA
(appeasing)
Jack--
JACK
I don't go unless you go. Period. End of discussion.
He starts to get up and the three men stand too.
DJEBELI
We did not mean to offend--
EL ROUBY
I only meant--
SADR
Of course Ms. Grove would be most welcome--
Jack looks at them a long moment, then slowly sits again.
JACK
How long would we be there?
DJEBELI
No more than a week. We would fly you down in the General's private plane, you would meet with him, then return.
JACK
That sounds like a couple of days. Why do we need a week?
EL ROUBY
There are certain things and places you must see as well which are necessary to understanding the project.
Another tray of food passes and they all watch it go by. Uh oh!
WILLA
Does it have anything to do with the image of Saru? There's an awful lot of negative publicity about your country these days.
The three Saruvians exchange glances, as if trying to decide what to say.
DJEBELI
I think my colleagues would not mind my saying that what General Cthulu has in mind could bring lasting peace to the world, and that is in no way an exaggeration. We would ask only that you participate in the endeavor.
JACK
(disbelief)
World peace? Saru?
DJEBELI
(unfazed)
Absolutely.
JACK
What if it's something I can't handle? I'm good at pushing soap and deodorant, but world peace is a tough sell to most people.
SADR
We know you can, Mr. Quinn. That's why we contacted your firm. We have spent a great deal of time reviewing your work. General Cthulu too. He made the final choice.
JACK
(surprised)
General Cthulu chose me?
Looks at Willa and raises his eyebrows.
WILLA
(firmly)
We'll come.
Glances at Jack.
Okay?
Looking carefully at her, Jack nods.
JACK
Sure. You're the boss.
EL ROUBY
Excellent!
Everyone smiles, pleased with the decision. Suddenly Sadr claps his hands in glee on seeing something coming towards them. Everyone looks up. Saruvians react with delight. Not so J&W: their mouths drop open in utter horror.
SADR
Finally, our lunch! And just in time to celebrate!
Camera closes in on J&W's stunned faces. Never show the food-- only their eyes widening as they see what they're to eat.
CUT TO:
EXT: HOTEL. DAY
Jack & Willa walking down street after lunch. Jack stops in front of hotel and looks at it appraisingly.
JACK
I think after that lunch we deserve to take the afternoon off. What do you say?
WILLA
I'd say yes, pal, but rooms in there start at five hundred a night. Why don't we just go home and buy an expensive bottle of champagne instead?
Jack takes her hand.
JACK
We'll rent a room and buy the champagne. Don't be practical all the time. It'll give you wrinkles.
They start towards the hotel.
WILLA
You know what's nice? After all the years with you, I still feel naughty doing this. What would my mother say?
JACK
She'd say don't go with the boy. You'll end up in Saru!
WILLA
Thank you again for saying yes to this trip. I know I put you on the spot back there.
JACK
I'd've said yes too. The whole deal sounds too intriguing-- money, travel, world peace? How do you think Cthulu's going to do it? Give it away free gasoline?
WILLA
(laughs, hugs him)
Sometimes I love you a lot.
They continue towards the hotel. Willa looks at him proudly. Stopping them for a moment, she pulls him over for a big kiss on the cheek.
JACK
(joking)
Which means you usually love me a little?
WILLA
(playing along)
Usually.
Enter hotel.
CUT TO:
INT; ROYAL HALL, STOCKHOLM
Film clip of distinguished looking MAN (Andrew Lumsden) receiving
Nobel Prize.
NEWSCASTER (o.s.)
It was revealed today that Nobel Prize winning Biophysiologist Andrew Lumsden is missing. He was last seen ten days ago in his laboratory at the Monell Chemical Senses Center near Philadelphia. Lumsden's family has received no ransom demand, but police are not ruling out the possibility of kidnapping. In recent years, Lumsden has been involved in a number of extremely sensitive government projects. It is rumored that at least some of them had to do with chemical warfare.
CUT TO:
EXT: LECTURE HALL. DAY
GENERAL CTHULU angrily giving a speech in front of hundreds of
adoring supporters. A newscaster's voice-over saysNT
NEWSCASTER
(o.s.)
The newest development in the disappearance of Dr. Andrew Lumsden is the unconfirmed report that he was abducted by supporters of General Menelik Cthulu. This photograph of Lumsden was purportedly taken in the capitol city, Bazz'af two days ago, although government sources there firmly reject that the missing scientist is in their country.
Lumsden photo flashed:he's flanked on either side by Arabic men. His nose is enormously, impossibly long.
JACK
(o.s.)
Uh oh--
STEWARDESS
(o.s.)
Mr. Quinn? Ms. Brandt?
CUT TO:
INT: VIENNA AIRPORT. DAY
Arabic STEWARDESS looks straight at us, as if we were Jack and Willa.
JACK
(o.s.)
Yes, are you the representative from Saru?
STEWARDESS
Yes, hello. I'm afraid we'll have to hurry. The pilot would like to take off as soon as possible.
She turns away. J&W rise from their seats, backs to us. We see they have been in airport chairs with TV's attached, watching CNN.
JACK
Just our luck, eh? We sit there half an hour waiting for the good stuff to come on. Then she has to arrive. Did you see the size of that guy's nose? He looked like Cyrano de Bergerac! Why would they want a guy like him in Saru?
WILLA
Sssh! She'll hear.
JACK
I don't care. We're about to go there anyway.
They're following the stewardess.
WILLA
Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it's just a guy from Saru and big noses are a genetic trait there.
JACK
That wasn't a nose, honey. It was a number 2 pencil.
STEWARDESS
(over her shoulder)
Did you have any trouble getting here?
WILLA
No. It was a nice trip.
STEWARDESS
(haughty)
Unfortunately, this new sanction the British government has imposed on Saru, forbidding our planes from landing there, has made things very difficult for us. We're sorry you had to stop in Vienna.
WILLA
(fires right back)
Have you considered that sanction has to do with how your government has been behaving?
Stewardess is shocked by this. Jack's amused-- he knows Willa. They continue walking, stewardess sneaking peeks at them. STEWARDESS 2 is waiting at a gate. She picks up a walkie talkie and speaks in Arabic. J&W walk to window and stare out onto tarmac. Outside a large passenger jet painted with "Saru Airlines," sporting a logo on the tail of an eagle holding a shovel in one foot, a rifle in the other. Plane is surrounded on all sides by police cars and policemen.
STEWARDESS 2
Shall we board?
JACK
It looks like an armed camp out there! Is it always like that when you fly to Vienna?
STEWARDESS 2
It is like that when Saru Airlines flies most places, Mr. Quinn. It is a dangerous world.
She looks arrogantly at Willa who snorts and brushes by her toward the gate.
CUT TO:
EXT: TARMAC. DAY
A windy day. Storm clouds add to the dramatic effect. Willa goes first. Jack hurries to catch up with her.
JACK
Are you okay?
WILLA
Sure. It's just that that idiot reminded me we're working for Cthulu and some of the things he's done in the last few years. "It's a dangerous world we're in living in." Ha! Do you believe she said that? It's dangerous because of men like her leader! Have you read about Cthulu? I don't mean just the TV stuff. I read a biography and was stunned.
JACK
Well don't put your conscience in turbo boost over this right now, okay? All we're doing is going down to hear what he has to say: We're not working for Amnesty International.
She nods and strides faster. He touches her arm.
JACK
Okay?
WILLA
(upset)
Yes Jack, I heard you the first time.
She pushes on, leaving him behind. She goes up stairs to plane. He follows. The stewardesses see this exchange and smile at each other.
CUT TO:
INT: PLANE. DAY.
J&W are the only passengers on the giant plane.
CAPTAIN
(o.s.)
Below us now is the Nile River and in a slight half hour, we will be making our approach to Bazz'af.
They listen to the announcement and look out the window together.
Jack has a laptop open in front of him, Willa a pile of notes.
JACK
What's a slight half hour?
Willa reaches over and touches his hand.
WILLA
I'm sorry about before.
Halfway down the aisle, the two stewardesses are having a real argument. Suddenly one spits out a fast and bitter sentence. Instantly her nose beings to grow and grow, a la Pinocchio. It happens quickly. When the other stewardess sees it, she gives a terrified look at J&W and pushes her colleague into the kitchen, out of their line of sight.
WILLA
(o.s.)
Jesus, did you see that?
JACK
(o.s.)
Yes. No. I don't know what I saw.
WILLA
I do. That woman's nose just grew.
JACK
(uncertain)
Well, that's what I thought I saw. Maybe it's
just the fumes from lunch.
Stewardess with normal nose reappears from galley, smiling falsely, pushing her hair back. The scene fades with her walking towards us.
CUT TO:
EXT; SARU AIRPORT. DAY
A plane taxis across desert landscape. Close-up of familiar eagle/shovel/rifle logo on tail. Plane approaches terminal where a large group of soldiers are standing at parade rest. A VIP welcome for Jack and Willa.
Plane stops near building. As rolling staircase is brought up, 3 MILITARY MEN in full uniform emerge from the crowd and approach. Door opens. J&W appear, start down stairs. Bad Army band tries to play American national anthem.
Camera begins to pull back as greetings take place. Pull back more and more-- into the hills behind the airport, as if looking through a zoom lens. Band music becomes fainter. We begin to hear the click-snap-click of metallic parts being snapped together. Louder and louder.
CUT TO:
EXT: FIELD. DAY
Close-up of hands assembling a very Hi-Tech surface-to-air rocket launcher or bazooka. MAN in Bedouin clothes loads weapon, sights carefully and fires at people on airfield.
CUT TO:
EXT: AIRPORT. DAY
Jack smiles while shaking hands with Saru official. We hear a loud BOOM. Jack looks over the official's shoulder and his expression blanks.
JACK
Get down!
He jumps on Willa, slamming her to the ground. The missile flies well over them. It hits far down landing field but explodes loud enough to send people running. Panic everywhere. J&W are grabbed and hurried to a waiting limo. It screeches away as panic continues.
CUT TO:
INT: CAR. DAY
Inside car with J&W is DJEBELI. This time he's dressed in military uniform and has an air of distance and formality.
JACK
What the fuck was that? Are you okay, honey?
Turns to Willa, sitting hunched in a corner with her hands pressed to her forehead. She nods but won't speak.
JACK
(angry)
What's going on, Djebeli?
DJEBELI
I'm sorry, Mr. Quinn. We took every precaution to prevent this from happening. But we have many enemies. It's what we told you in New York- General Cthulu has found a way to save the world. But there are people who do not want the world saved. We are going now to the General's camp so he can tell you himself.
The three are silent as the car speeds on.
WILLA
(erupting)
Why didn't you warn us of this in New York? You
had no right to endanger us! This is your country, Mr. Djebeli, not ours. It's only a job for us. We didn't agree to risk our lives.
DJEBELI
(angry)
This doesn't concern one country or a job! The world is at stake! The future of Mankind! We have been at war forever. My son died fighting to recapture our country from Cthulu's brother. My son, Ms. Brandt. I do not want any more of my family to die. I do not want you to die. Or Anyone else. General Cthulu can stop it all. He is willing to save the world for nothing. He gains nothing from it.
During the monologue, Jack looks out the window, seemingly indifferent. Now he turns.
JACK
Your leader doesn't have the reputation of being a
peacemaker.
DJEBELI
(nodding)
General Cthulu has the reputation of being a lunatic who would do anything to achieve what he believes. We are not naive to the world's opinion. That is not the point. None of that has anything to do with this.
WILLA
(exasperated)
What is this? Please tell us! We were almost killed back there! We came to Saru. We've done what you asked so tell us something.
DJEBELI
(carefully, then warming to it)
You are about to hear everything from the General himself. But I will say this: The quality that distinguishes man from every other creature is his ability to communicate. No other animal does it with such sophistication.
JACK
So what? No other animal destroys themselves so well either!
DJEBELI
Exactly! And how does he destroy himself? For the same reason-- communication. But false communication. Lies. What other animal lies? Dogs? Lions? No. All of our wars are started with lies. All hatred is born in lies.
Window separating them from CHAUFFEUR slides down. Driver says something in Arabic to Djebeli who turns in his seat and looks around, getting his bearings.
DJEBELI
We are almost there.
JACK
(puzzled)
Almost where? This is the middle of the desert!
DJEBELI
The General's campsite. It is safer for him to live outside the city. He moves his headquarters all the time.
CUT TO:
EXT: DESERT. DAY
Limousine slows, then pulls off main highway onto unpaved road running into the desert as far as the eye can see. The car flies down it in giant swirls of dust.
CUT TO:
EXT: DESERT. DAY
Limo passes shepherd standing alone by the side of the road. He watches expressionless as car drives by.
CUT TO:
INT: CAR. DAY
Looking out window, Willa sees large caravan of camels crossing the desert in the middle distance. All very beautiful and stark. She turns to Jack, gesturing for him to look. Djebeli watches them as they crane to look out the window at the spectacle.
CUT TO:
INT: SENTRY BOX. DAY
Seen through a peephole, the car comes fast towards us. There is no sound other than the hush of tires getting closer. Then in Arabic (with subtitles)
SOLDIER 1
(o.s.)
That's them. Get ready.
SOLDIER 2
(o.s.)
Is my nose all right?
SOLDIER 1
Yes, it's back to normal. Here they come.
CUT TO:
EXT: SENTRY POST. DAY
Limo drives up to sentry post. Two soldiers, armed and ready, approach. They raise their arms to stop it. Everyone is forced out, Jack & Willa carefully searched. Djebeli stands alongside, not interfering. They are given the okay and get back in the car. Drive through the gates of a compound that resembles a series of World War 2 bomb bunkers. The contrast between the compound and the empty desert is dramatic. As they drive, the following conversation goes on.
JACK
(o.s.)
It reminds me of Quantico.
DJEBELI
(o.s.)
Quantico? What is that?
JACK
(o.s.)
It's where I did my training as a Marine. Does General Cthulu really live here?
DJEBELI
(o.s.)
Sometimes. He must move his headquarters often.
JACK
(o.s.)
Because of the opposition? Like what happened
today?
DJEBELI
(o.s.)
In part. Aha! There is the General!
Limo drives towards one of the bunkers as CTHULU emerges. He is dressed in very plain (non-military) clothes. Smiling, he waves. From this first impression, he's not as fierce looking as Ayatollah Khomeini, but he ain't Santa Claus either.
CUT TO:
EXT: DESERT. TWILIGHT
Out in the middle of the desert, Jack, Willa, and Cthulu sit on pillows near a bunch of black Bedouin tents. It appears no one else is around, but when camera pulls back, we see many guards at a discreet distance. Cthulu hands Jack tea from a small gas stove set up in front of them.
CTHULU
There is a proverb--'God provides the food, men provide the cooks.' What the world thinks of me and how I have cooked for my people is not important. The People's Republic of Saru is stronger and healthier than it has been in years. We have enemies and we have problems, but they will be handled. Is there anything else you would like to ask me? Please do. I want to be honest with you.
WILLA
Is it true you studied medicine in Poland?
CTHULU
(smiling)
You have done your homework, Ms. Brandt. Yes, I studied in Breslau which is famous for its medical school. I was particularly interested in the work of Rudolf Virchow. Do you know him?
Both shake their heads no.
CTHULU
He was a professor of pathology at the University of Berlin in the middle of the nineteenth century. Did pioneering research in such things as embolism, thrombosis and leukemia. He even invented the words to describe them! A remarkable man!
Stops himself and smiles.
CTHULU
(charming)
Don't get me started talking about my hobbies! I can become very boring very quickly. I am very interested in medicine, and always have been. When I was young I wanted to be a doctor, but then time and history intervened. I have had a strange life, but an interesting one. Luckily what we are planning to do now is not so far removed from the field of medicine.
JACK
Why did you choose us for this project?
CTHULU
Because you are not only very talented, but your work shows an impressive balance of cynicism and naiveté. A fool can easily drop a rock into a well, but a hundred scholars may not be able to raise it out again.
WILLA
What do you mean?
CTHULU
(laughing)
Mr. Quinn is successful at selling things because
part of his heart is foolish. That is a compliment. I have looked at so many of his advertisements. In one respect, they are the work of a very smart man. But more importantly, it is also the work of a fool and that is what interests me the most. There must be a naiveté to do what I have in mind. A cynic only sees the dark side and that is only half
the story.
JACK
(antsy)
Would you please tell us what you want us to do? Cthulu stands up and walks a few steps, his back to them.
CTHULU
There is no place like the desert for quiet. One night I was sitting out here alone, watching the sky. It was full of shooting stars. Like the heavens were at war! Then something happened.
Waving his hand in an arc to take in the sky, he turns abruptly to face J&W. His face is full of wonder.
CTHULU
God gave me a vision! Immoral, stupid, unimportant me! I saw a child across the sky! And do you know who that child was?
FADE OUTNT
EXT: DESERT SKY. NIGHT
FADE IN on Cthulu's face, same wild expression, very brightly illuminated. Where is this strong light coming from? Camera moves around to show what he is looking at. Across the entire sky in front of him is the Disney(?) cartoon character of Pinocchio.
PINOCCHIO
(high cartoon voice)
Cthulu, it is time for you to act. You must help save the world!
Stay on Pinocchio the whole scene. He looks at us as if we were Cthulu.
CTHULU
(o.s.)
Is it...is it you?
Pinocchio makes a disgusted face.
PINOCCHIO
Of course it is! I have come to tell you your mission. I will make it easy for you. I will instruct you.
CTHULU
(o.s.)
But...why me?
PINOCCHIO
Because you are a fool and we have tried everything else. A fool can easily drop a rock into a well, but a hundred scholars may not be able to raise it up again.
CTHULU
(o.s.)
What would you like me to do?
PINOCCHIO
Make mankind honest again.
CTHULU
(o.s.)
But is that possible?
PINOCCHIO
(annoyed)
Relax! I said I would help. Now, you know the cactus called Moon's Eye? All right. Find a full Moon's Eye cactus. Then some other things. Maybe you'd better get paper and make a list.
Pinocchio starts to walk around the heavens whistling, as if waiting for Cthulu to return.
PINOCCHIO
Okay, are you ready? Then write this down. One moon's eye cactus, a liter of sand, a liter of olive oil...
FADE on him as he continues listing ingredients.
FADE OUT
EXT: DESERT. EVENING
J&W's faces as they listen to Cthulu talk. Incredulous, though they try to hide it. They know he's nuts but know they have to be diplomatic.
JACK
(under his breath to Willa)
And then Gepetto told me how to make Love Potion Number Nine.
WILLA
(suppressing a smile)
And it was really...Pinocchio?
CTHULU
Across the entire sky.
JACK
What was it you mixed in with the Moon's Eye?
CTHULU
(instantly sensing Jack's disbelief)
Something that will change the world, Mr. Quinn. Would you like a demonstration?
They nod.
CTHULU
Fine. We will start with you, Mr. Quinn, because I can see you are a skeptic.
Jack starts to protest but Cthulu waves him off.
CTHULU
Tell me, in all honesty, what you think of what I have been saying.
Jack puts on his best professional face.
JACK
I think it's amazing if you do what you say you
can.
The moment the words are out of his mouth, Jack's nose begins to grow, a la Pinocchio. So long that it's soon the length of a banana rising from the center of his face. Willa sees it and screams. Cthulu doesn't move from his seat, but gives a satisfied smile. At a certain point, Jack's nose stops growing but he's totally freaked out.
JACK
(horrified)
What is this? What have you done?
CTHULU
(calm)
Now tell the truth.
JACK
(nuts)
What? What truth? What did you do?
CTHULU
(thundering)
Tell the truth! Say what you really think of my
vision!
JACK
I think you're fucking nuts! What did you do to my
nose?
At once his nose shrinks, or rather deflates like a long balloon. In seconds it is back to normal. Cthulu nods, he knows how this works. Stunned, Jack watches the nose go down. Willa stands by, hand to her mouth in horror and fascination.
CTHULU
Now you are blessed.
WILLA
(scared)
What did you do to him? What is it?
CTHULU
What do you think of me, Ms. Brandt?
About to blurt something, Willa catches herself at the last moment.
WILLA
I think you're frightening.
CTHULU
(nodding)
I'm sure. But for the moment, tell me I'm wonderful.
WILLA
Why?
CTHULU
Because I want to show you something.
WILLA
(hesitant)
I think you're wonderful.
Immediately her nose grows like Jack's. She shrieks.
WILLA
(howling)
MONSTER!
Her nose doesn't grow as large because less time passes between her lie and the truth. Moments pass as the couple digest what has happened to them.
CTHULU
A man has two choices-- to lie or tell the truth. Because we're all lazy, we choose the easier way: We lie. Now that is finished. The world will not lie anymore.
Reaching into his pocket, he takes out a small bottle of liquid. Holds it out for them to see.
CTHULU
Here is my message. My vision. It will save us all from destroying ourselves. The smallest drop in a man's drink prevents him from lying for the rest of his life. Because then it immediately grows. Until he tells the truth again. There is no antidote.
He has no control once it is in his body. I put it in your tea, so you are both blessed now.
Finish on the J&W's horrified faces.
CUT TO:
EXT: CAMEL MARKET. DAY
Two MEN talking in the Saru camel market. The animal they are discussing stands in the background. They speak in Arabic which is translated via subtitles. While he speaks, the owner drinks from a bottle of Coca-Cola.
OWNER
It is a good animal.
BUYER
It is a good animal, but you are asking too much for it.
The buyer's nose immediately begins to grow. As soon as he realizes this, he reaches into his robe and pulls out his wallet.
BUYER
(distraught)
All right, all right, I'll pay!
Owner takes another drink of Coke and waits while the other counts out the money.
CUT TO:
INT: BEDROOM. NIGHT
The scene is done in Arabic (with subtitles) in complete dark.
MAN
I'm going to ask you only once: Did you sleep with him?
WOMAN
(indignant)
With Kambiz? Are you insane? Why are you so jealous?
Long pause.
MAN
I'm still waiting for your answer.
WOMAN
No. I didn't sleep with him!
Sounds of rustling, bedclothes being pushed aside.
WOMAN
(scared)
What are you doing?
MAN
Turning on the light. I want to see your face.
WOMAN
(shouting)
No, don't! Don't!
Light comes on-- WOMAN lying in bed with HUSBAND. She has the nose. Husband sees it and starts slapping her around while she screams.
CUT TO:
EXT: ARABIC CEMETERY. DAY
Large group of mourners gathered for a funeral. Their expressions run the gamut from grief to indifference. An impressive looking CLERIC stands in front of them and begins the eulogy.
CLERIC
It is with the saddest of hearts that we gather today to say a final good-bye to our friend and brother, Hassan. He was a man of the most impeccable character. A loving father, honorable in business...
As he drones on, camera moves to show mourner's faces. Reaching one BOY, it stops. His face lights up and keeps growing more and more delighted. This is gradually mirrored by others around him. Soon everyone is grinning or beginning to laugh. Camera moves back to CLERIC whose nose is growing as he talks on.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET. DAY
The same scene J&W saw on CNN when they were watching TV in the Vienna airport: Professor Andrew Lumsden with a huge nose being accompanied somewhere by two Arab men.
NEWSCASTER
One of the men being questioned by the FBI about the Lumsden kidnapping is Mahmoud Tahboub, a long time resident of Saru and a close associate of General Cthulu--
CUT TO:
EXT: DESERT. NIGHT
Cthulu's face. Blissful.
CTHULU
You see, it's so very simple. Just a matter of chemistry.
JACK
(angry)
Why are you doing it?
CTHULU
(reciting)
"It's the end of the century; almost everyone dreams of money or revenge." That is by one of your American poets. But he is right. Mankind is destroying everything because of his selfishness and dishonesty. I want to save the world, Mr. Quinn. In six weeks time, there will be a meeting of the United Nations in Vienna. It will be attended by all the leaders of the G7 nations and Russia as a show of solidarity for world peace. At that meeting, each of these leaders will be given some of our compound. It has already been arranged. But that will not be enough. We need to show
them a film that demonstrates the importance of our... message and the effect it will have on the way mankind lives in the Twenty First Century. That will be your job-- to create a short film to show the world how things will be different once everyone has been given it.
WILLA
Everyone? You're going to force people to take
it? You have no right!
CTHULU
That sounds very American. But this is not democracy, it is survival. Someone must insure we will still be here tomorrow. I am willing to take that responsibility. There is no way to stop mankind from killing. But so much death is due to lies. We can stop that.
WILLA
You're going to force every person on earth take your medicine?
CTHULU
That is correct.
WILLA
How?
CTHULU
It is not as difficult as you would think. We will of course start with the Western countries because they are the most powerful and the greatest liars.
WILLA
(distraught)
But--
JACK
What kind of film do you want us to make?
CTHULU
What you do best-- an advertisement. A convincing film about our Miracle. And for that we will pay you five million dollars.
WILLA
What if we refuse to do it?
CTHULU
Then we will keep you here as our guests until the meeting in Vienna is over. After that, you may go home.
JACK
We're prisoners?
CTHULU
You are my guests.
JACK
(aggressive)
I don't want to be your guest.
WILLA
We have other commitments in New York, General. We can't just walk away from them for six weeks because of one job.
CTHULU
I understand that. But you must realize we cannot let you return until after the Vienna meeting. It would endanger our plan, now that you know about it.
JACK
What if we promise not to talk?
CTHULU
That is not enough. Besides, even if you did, who would believe you? Who would believe a man whose nose grows like Pinocchio? It's in your best interest to stay here now, if only to accustom yourselves to what has happened. Believe me, it takes time to realize that for the rest of your life, you must tell the truth.
WILLA
Have you taken it, General?
CTHULU
I will when the time is right. Until then certain lies will be necessary.
WILLA
(cynical)
That sounds very convenient.
CTHULU
(hard as nails)
I am not interested in your opinion, Ms. Brandt. The only reason you are here is because Mr. Quinn would not have come otherwise. He thinks you are necessary. I do not.
A couple of beats while the ominousness of this sinks in.
JACK
(exploding)
People don't always want the truth. Sometimes
it's destructive and evil. A dying patient asks the
doctor Do I have a chance? No, you'll be dead in six months. Sometimes lies give us hope. Remember that word? Remember what it can do for us? What happens to hope in your new truthful world, General? When everyone is as honest as Abe Lincoln, but the truth doesn't set us free? You're ugly. Or you're stupid. Or I don't love you and never have. But I have to tell you because I can't lie anymore and fuck you if you don't like it.
CTHULU
(a beat, then peacefully to them)
This is true, Mr. Quinn: Fuck you if you don't like it.
CUT TO:
INT: HOTEL LOBBY. DAY
Jack comes storming out of the hotel office, followed by MAN (chaperone) in uniform. Jack's nose is Pinocchio size. Willa is waiting for him at the desk. Man veers off in the other direction.
WILLA
What did they say?
JACK
Did you see that guy following me? He stood two feet away the whole time I was talking. What did they say? Our beloved bosses? The guys who love us with all their hearts? They said Cthulu talked to them already about our staying here till we finish the job. It's okay with them if we're gone six weeks. No problem. Don't worry about the other accounts. Cthulu's thought of everything. But wanna hear the interesting part? He's only paying the agency three million for this job, not the five he said. The extra two is for us if we do it. He came on the line right after I hung up with them and told me. Our little bonus, and he'll put it in any bank in any country we want.
WILLA
(thoughtful)
The strange thing is, what he's doing is good when you think of the big picture.
JACK
Are you crazy? Remember freedom? The world's favorite, most misused word? You be honest for twenty four hours and see how much good it does you. Or anyone else. See how many friends you have left.
WILLA
(defensive)
I was only saying--
JACK
(starting for the elevator)
I know what you were saying. But truth in the wrong hands is as dangerous as a lie in the wrong hands! Come on, let's go to the room.
CUT TO:
INT: ELEVATOR.
J&W and MAN stand silently as the elevator rises. When the car stops and door opens, the man reaches down and picks up a slip of paper.
MAN
I think you dropped this.
Offers paper to Willa
WILLA
No, I didn't--
MAN
(insistent)
Yes, I definitely think you dropped it.
Realizing it's important, she takes the paper and looks at man.
WILLA
Thank you.
Man nods, but ignores them and they get out. Doors close.
CUT TO
INT. HALL
Walking hurriedly down the hall, J&W look eagerly at each other, dying to see what's on the paper. When they reach the door to their room, Jack stops them and gestures instead toward the emergency exit a few feet away.
CUT TO
INT: STAIRWELL
Standing close together, looking at each other. Willa holds the paper.
JACK
I'm sure our room is bugged. It's better out here.
Open it.
She reads, hands it to him. He reads.
JACK
First they try to shoot us at the airport, but now they want to free us? Isn't that a little odd?
WILLA
Not really. They thought we came to work for Cthulu. Now they know we don't want to. Getting us out of the country would embarrass Cthulu, and they know we'd tell the world. It'd stop him... there are a lot of reasons.
JACK
Why can't they tell the world? What do they need us for?
WILLA
(exasperated)
I don't know, Jack. But the only thing they want us to do is be in the lobby tomorrow night at nine. I think we can do that. It's not like we've got other plans.
JACK
Christ, do you think they can get us out of here?
WILLA
I don't know. But we sure aren't going to get out by ourselves. We're watched every minute of the day. I keep expecting someone to pop out of the
toilet when I'm in there.
JACK
Well, these guys shot a bomb at us... so they must have some kind of organization to have that kind of hardware.
WILLA
I'd give so much to be home right now.
JACK
Then all we'd have to do is try to explain our noses to the gang in New York. I wonder who these guys are? The other side, I mean.
WILLA
The liars.
JACK
Huh?
WILLA
The liars. The people who don't like being told what's good for them.
JACK
(appreciative)
The liars! Yeah, that's good. The United People's Front of Liars. Let's do it, Will. Let's meet them and get the hell out of here while we still can.
CUT TO:
INT: HOTEL LOBBY
J&W sit together in a bustling hotel lobby. Many armed soldiers amongst the guests coming and going. The room is a combination elegant lobby and armed camp. J&W are trying to play it cool, but it's plain they're waiting for something to happen.
A group of Arab BUSINESSMEN come in. They're all wearing white robes and carrying briefcases. Move to the registration desk where some begin to check in, etc. The others in the group turn slowly and look over the lobby. A few beats, then they pull out automatic weapons and shoot at the soldiers. Chaos. Two of the businessmen race over to J&W and grab them. One is man from the elevator yesterday.
MAN
Come! Hurry!
The front doors burst open and government troops flood in. The "Liars" are outnumbered and quickly surrender. LEADER of troops says something in Arabic. Liars drop to the floor, hands behind their backs. Leader gestures to his soldiers. They shoot the Liars as they lay helpless. J&W stand, terrified.
Shooting done, Leader says something to a soldier who takes J&W towards the door. One of the Liars is still moving. Leader goes over and shoots him. Says something in Arabic and his soldiers laugh.
CUT TO:
EXT: BALCONY. SUNSET
Evening in Saru. We look out over the city of Bazz'af . Sounds of the Muslim call to prayer from minarets. Lights just coming on, birds flying in patterns across the orange sky... a beautiful, exotic scene.
J&W sitting on the balcony.
JACK
(angry)
At least they could give us some booze to drink. I hate orange juice!
WILLA
(quietly)
What are we going to do, Jack?
JACK
We're going to make the fucking film and get out of here, hopefully.
Stands up and pours his drink over the balcony.
JACK
You know what scares me most? That these people are sure what they're doing is right. And not just Cthulu; all of his followers too. Zealots like them die believing, they kill believing, mothers give up their sons because they believe... Look at you and me-- what do we believe? What do we know for sure? What's right? What's wrong? I don't know. We just bump along from minute to minute, hoping for the best. Not them. They know.
WILLA
Are you jealous of them?
Jack turns to her, smiling sadly.
JACK
Sure, in a way. I'd love to believe in something as wholeheartedly as they do, It must be a
wonderful feeling.
He waves towards the view, taking in everything.
JACK
Listen to that-- all those millions and millions of people praying. They truly believe God hears them. That's amazing these days, when everyone else is so cynical. That's amazing. And I'll tell you