CarrollBlog

When they were drinking they often played 'what if' games with each other. What if you inherited a lot of money? What if you could change one thing about yourself. What if you could fix one mistake you made in the past. Tonight his brother started off with, "What if you could have sex again with any of your past lovers. Who would it be and why?" For some reason the question immediately disturbed him. Although he came up with some febrile facile answer to keep the banter and playful mood going, he was lying. Because he could not think of one woman from his past that he would like to spend another intimate few hours or night with. What did that mean? What did that say about him or his life choices? Would he like to talk to some of his past lovers? Yes. Catch up on things and see what time and life had done to them? Absolutely. But touch them, smell them, see them naked again? No, he could think of no one. He was sure that said something significant about him, his character, where he was in his life. But no matter how hard he thought about it in the following days, he couldn't figure out what it meant.

3.23.2009